


according to all known laws of aviation THIS IS STUPID

by jojotier



Category: Bee Movie (2007), Homestuck
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack Treated Seriously, I DONT KNOW???, I regret everything, Psychic Abilities, Rebellion, Running Away, and by psychic i mean psiionic, because he's a psychic bee, bee communism, bee movie! au, bees have no concept of gender, i dont know and i dont care im so tired man, i guess some erisol?, more at 11, this is adapted from a prompt i wrote for an rp site, way too much self awareness, you read that correctly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-21 23:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10685526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojotier/pseuds/jojotier
Summary: I wrote 2k words of bee movie-stuck psychic bee Sollux being disgustingly self aware and running into Eridan instead of doing something important





	according to all known laws of aviation THIS IS STUPID

**Author's Note:**

> I have made a mistake

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It's wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

  
The psiionics and constant state of loathing his own goddamn existence fueling him with spite and unexplainable psychic energy certainly helped too.  
  
That was what Sollux was doing at that moment- flying. Not by flapping his paper thin shitty membranes of wings, but by using the unexplainable and unknowable psychic energy to float around the hive. He might have actually done something, like make some stupid inane pun that fit with his species, but he was so tired of fucking bees and honey that if he had a choice, he would rather make eye beams come out of his eyes and destroy all the weird, wriggly maggots and honey stores so that this place couldn't even survive the winter. Unfortunately, it seemed that whatever coked up God decided to give a fucking bee psychic powers had neglected to make them that powerful unless he was eating honey.  
  
Sollux fucking hated honey. Sure, that was basically all he ate, but it also did shitty things to his stomach that made him want to gouge out his own eyes more than usual. His two, single pupiled eyes, because not only was he apparently some freak of nature, he also had a face like a human that made him fall so deep into the Uncanny Valley that day by day he was digging a hole deeper for himself with his four, spindly, unnecessary fingers. Those didn't even make biological sense, did they? Why the fuck would a bee need opposable thumbs? Oh God he even hated thinking about this.  
  
He looked over the obnoxiously vomit yellow (or honey yellow, but considering the fact that they all literally vomited honey up to make it the way it was, he much preferred the former) where some of his creepy, glassy eyed, smiling brethren were bumbling around, all abuzz with joy or whatever emotion they could feel at that moment. The only emotion Sollux could bring himself to feel was a primal, deplorable sense of disgust, and he turned away from their sickly sweet saccharine shithive maggot filled faces to look outside the hive. Because windows were a thing. Why there would be windows in a place where all the workers were being forced into labor for the rest of their lives for one singular communist monarch so that they could be teased with freedom never within reach was a mystery, but it did pretty much what any elitist communist monarch wouldn't want- it made him want to go into the outside world.  
  
Not because he wanted to do any sappy shit like start his own hive with bee capitalism or find love with a bee (regardless of gender, because he was a fucking bee and had no concept of it) or even try to figure out why that enormous human comes and gases the place occasionally- no, he just wanted to get the fuck out of dodge and have a place to brood on his own. As it stood, Sollux was always confronted with some asshole or another, trying to do the same chitchat every day, having to deal with gasps at his language as if they all weren't technically adults- fuck, it was like he was in some shitty kids movie. Which bees, despite having no concept of capitalism or gender, apparently had.  
  
Now that he thought about it though... what the hell was stopping him? The Imperial Drones? The Imperial Drones could suck his chitin covered antenna, is what they could do. They may have had bee guns and bee swords, but Sollux had the power of Psiionics ex Machina. The workers behind him were too caught up with their own busy bee routine and dancing to each other, so they wouldn't give a shit. Fuck. Time to shake a stinger and get the everloving fuck out of dodge.  
  
Sollux buzzed gently as he picked up a nearby tool, and then chucked that shit through the window. Which was made of some crystalized honey shit. Boy was Sollux glad to be leaving this shit behind.  
  
Finally, Sollux darted into the outside world, feeling the sun on his striped body and blatantly ignoring the calls of some of the workers who had seen it. Let those assholes tell the Queen Bee- he didn't care- he was goddamn free, and there was no way that they could entice him back into it. He shouted a triumphant, "Fuck you!" to anyone who cared to listen to his slightly buzzy, scratchy bee voice and flew away-  
  
Only to bump into something. Fucking ow.

Thankfully, the aforementioned psychic powers did more than flip the bird to the universe created by an uncaring and apparently bored God did more than act as a constant reminder of Sollux’s own nature as a freak on the boiling ass of Satan’s prized whore; it also let him catch himself from shitty situations like this. Not even a foot out the hive and he was already colliding into some human, and one with a shitty sense of fashion at that.

The human didn’t seem to notice how he’d nearly been the thing that crushed Sollux’s tiny bee body, too engrossed in the photograph in his hands, bearing the visage of an ogre of a man with a hideous green sheen all over him. For some bizarre reason, despite this literal ogre looking about as fake and contrived as a Disney rip off could look (much like himself, now that Sollux realized in a moment of kindred lucidity) Sollux couldn’t help but have a deep seated respect, as if looking upon an impossibly powerful elder about to crush his tiny insect body under one especially hardened boot heel if he so much as thought himself worthy.

Enough about that and the strange sense of familiarity making the incessant screaming of some bird in the distance that made him want to sting something just to end it all- now onto this hipster looking jackass with fake horns and way too much eyeliner peeking out from behind that hideous striped scarf. This asshole, who was stroking the photograph of the nameless, powerful monster with a strange sort of nostalgia.

This was the kind of asshole that Sollux, despite never having to deal with someone like this back at his honey encrusted hive, absolutely fucking abhorred. Maybe because, in some deep part of his soul, he recognized that he could easily _become_ this asshole.

“Hey!! Bastard!” He yelled in his tiny voice. Scarf Douche looked up and around, eyes squinting at his surrounding from behind big framed glasses that made his cute (in a completely freakish, hideous way, like a blob fish is cute, which bees also apparently had a concept of) face look like the tiniest leprechaun imaginable. Which Sollux couldn't imagine, because bees, for all the things they apparently had a concept of, had no concept of human lore like that.

"Over here!" Sollux yelled again, ineffectually because all he got in response was a growl as the human's head whipped around like an especially grossly colored flower, petals long turned black and gross with only some hint of purple such an ugly hue that it made Sollux gag. Still, all the purple was at least a sight better than all the yellow, so with a huff he descended onto the frame of the picture (never daring to step one foot on that green face, never once finding the nerve for such disrespect in all of his irreverent life) and called for yet a third time, convinced that this asshole had to hear him eventually. "Here! Hey, to the hideous long lost cousin of the Green Giant standing there and polluting the world by taking its resources for your shitty flesh body! I'm down here, if you'd just be fucking--"

" ** _WHAT THE FUCK?_**" was all he got in reply as the human, apparently startled, shook the photograph of the green figure furiously. Sollux just floated in the air, red and blue sparks cresting majestically over his black and yellow body. After the inevitable shitfit (which looked more like some cartoon slapstick, which was weird considering the fact that literally everyone walking by was just ignoring the exchanged), the human glared at Sollux, a curl twisting his lip. "Okay, so what the everlovin' fuck did I do to deserve being accosted by Jerry Seinfeld's rejected fursona?"

Sollux scowled back, arms crossing over his chest. "Bees don't have fur, numbnuts- we have chitin. And that's more than I can say for some asshole who wears shitty fake antennae in public!"

"Well I never!" The human gave an offended gasp, hand going up over his heart. "For one thing, these are  _horns_ ," which bees apparently only had a concept of half the time, "and for another, these are  **fashionable** , thank you very much! It's a very unique statement to be sending, especially when you pair up the colors of the horns with scarves or jewels or-"

"Oh my God," Sollux groaned, letting out a long suffering groan as he ran a hand down his face. A hand with spindly, human like fingers. A hand that the human stared at, cheeks flushing a strange, alien red. At least it was better than the ugly shade of purple or the blinding orange of those gaudy horns. "I came out here to have a good time," Which was a lie- he came out of his hive to have some peace and fucking quiet and be able to explore, and already this whole new world was pissing him off. Thank God for all these patented mood swings of his. "and honestly, I could give less of a shit about fashion. So tell me this, asshole- what the fuck are you doing out here?"

The human started, glaring back at him. "Spending time with someone."

"In the middle of the fucking woods, alone?" Sollux sneered, bee head leaning back as he taunted this giant, despite having no concept of parks or the fact that they aren't in fact alone. "Wow, and here I thought casting myself out of some weird dystopia-utopia-communist wet dream was fucking pathetic; nice to see that I'm not the only self-loathing piece of shit on the block!"

"You wouldn't understand!" The human gave a sassy-yet-somber hair flip, looking as if someone had decided to throw the bitchy popular girl trope in a blender with a hipster and a moody tomboy rebel without a cause to see just what the hell would happen. Whatever it was, it was an awe inspiring train wreck- one Sollux couldn't help but find strangely alluring, like the train wreck of all those roles smashed together with wild abandon would generally end up being. Hey, some people just liked to watch the world burn- and some people wanted to be that burning world so that all the attention could be hyperfocused on their attention whoring selves. "It's nothin' a freakish little thing like you would ever understand- the loss of family, the loss of a father--!"

"Save the drama for the Queen you have to kill to take her spot," Sollux snarked in the middle of what sounded uncomfortably like a soliloquy in the making. He was just a psychic bee, man- finest pus ridden boil on God's ass or no, he was just a bee. "because I could give less of a shit here."

The human looked back at him, eyes blazing. "Then why the fuck are you talkin' to me in the first place?!"

"A better question- why the fuck are you talking to a bee?" Sollux snapped back. 

The human paused for a moment, considering this. "Actually, that's a fair point. This should probably be way fucking weirder than I'm actin' like."

"Exactly- you're just a melodramatic asshole." With a melodramatically attractively hideously compelling face. Wait what?

"Or maybe..." The human said after a moment, making strangely intense eye contact with Sollux as if all his previous personality had flown out the window in favor of some fourteen year old's insipid "YAOI DON'T LIKE DON'T READ" bullshit. Which bees had not only a concept of, but a complete hatred that spanned thousands of generations. Sure, thousands of generations spanned maybe three or four years, but still. "My name's Eridan. Do you wanna get out of here?"

Sollux's little bee heart skipped a beat.

 

**Author's Note:**

> listen,,,, sometimes you gotta write memes,,,,,,, to Cope,,,,,,,,,,,
> 
> but yeah, i hope someone somewhere gleaned some enjoyment from this entire trainwreck!


End file.
